Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Mr.G, The Mullet and The Scrub

Oh holy morning! This morning was pretty eventful and I am feeling like I am going to need to take a lil nap today. Here's the story:

Chris and I are house/dog sitting for our cousin that lives in the area. Chris starts work at 6 am and I just leave to go home the same time that he leaves because I am the scaredy of the century and I don't like to be left alone. Especially in a 3 story house. Freaks me out. So this morning we did our normal routine. He left for work at 5:30 and I left shortly after with our stuff and the Houshie Bar puppin to head home to go back to sleep. I was so tired and so out of it and I planned to just rush home and fall into bed without even worrying about kicking my shoes off. That is what should have happened.

I'll tell you what I should not have done. I should not have decided to go into the front gate instead of the back gate...because that gave me the idea that I should stop and get the mail since I never go by the front gate because of my chronic laziness. I even thought about it once inside the gate and glanced back at my apt at least twice before finally just turning the other way and driving up to the mailboxes. So I pull up, hop out and take about 6 steps to the box, roll my eyes when the only thing I kept after I threw out all the junk was a Geico bill and headed back to the car. I pull the handle and nothing happens. All I see is Houshie sitting in my seat and staring up at me with a stupid goofy grin on his face. Yep...I was locked out of my running car by my 8 month old-7 pound dog.

He likes to hop up on the door when anyone gets out to see whats going on and sometimes that happens to be right on the lock button. I look down hoping there is magically an extra car key on the mail key ring but all I have in my hand is the mail key. My mind immediately goes into "what are my options" mode. Let's see....I can't call anyone because my phone is in the car, I can't get into my apartment because the house key is in the car, I have no way to get the number to AAA {and couldn't call if it I could}, Chris is already at work and the apt office doesn't open for 3 hours because its 6 AM! So I obvi try to get Housh to press the lock again {wouldn't anyone?}. Probably looked like an idiot dancing outside of my car and talking in a high pitched baby voice. He couldn't figure out what the heck I was doing. He just ran from one door to the other pressing the lock a billion times. But never pressing the other side to unlock {thats gotta be the first trick I teach him}.

So I realize my only option is to walk to the Walgreens on the corner to see if I can use the phone. Then I realize what I look like. I need you to realize that this is not an "I'm embarrassed I have one fingernail that is not painted" moment. This is an "I just woke up, have NO makeup on, my hair is greasy and half stuck to my face, I'm wearing one of Chris' old oversized Hollister shirts and yoga pants with no bra and I probably still have some leftover mascara under my red eyes" moment. But you do whatcha gotta do.

So I enter Walgreens and look for anyone that doesn't look like a middle aged mom that is pissed she has to leave her 5 kids to work at 6 am and would rather rip my face off than help me call my husband. Luck was on my side because instead I found a cheery Walgreens worker that had an uncanny resemblence to Mr. G from Summer Heights High (anyone who doesn't know who that is please click the whole 2 mins and thank me later). He was very concerned about me {probably because of my appearance} but thought it was the funniest thing ever that my dog locked me out and made sure everyone in the store heard the story. After a failed attempt at calling Chris' cell phone and pulling out a phone book to look up Chris' work number and getting his work VoiceMail the kind Mr. G pulled me into the back to use the manager's phone. I got Chris' cell voicemail and left another message trying to get the message across in my tone that he better be answering or he will rue this day. Next try I got him! Oh sweet victory. Husbands are so great- you can just pass the burden right along to him. He had listened to my voicemail and was already on his way! So I waited on the Walgreens street corner {i wonder how many people saw me standing on the corner, thought I was a hooker, but passed because i was so fug? Just sayin}

He pulled up in Mystique looking dashing in his dressy work outfit. Just like a prince on a white horse. Except instead of a princess people probably thought he was picking up his homeless ex step sister who had just gotten off work sorting cans at the dump. But I don't care at this point! Our problem is solved! Not so fast... it can't be that easy.

He had a key to the apt so we could just run in and get the spare Trailblazer key. Except that we couldn't find the Trailblazer key! Could've sworn it was just on that key hook...but that wouldn't do any good because it just wasn't. So we stared at the key hooks for about 10 seconds then searched the place coming up empty handed. We had a bbq spatula that was pretty long and the car door was actually kinda open because I hadn't even slammed it shut in my hurry to get the mail. You never realize how far away the lock is until something like this. Didn't work. So on to Plan B...or really plan C or D.

Chris whips out his iphone and I am talking to AAA in seconds {shoutout to my Dad who renews our AAA mem-ship every year}. They had someone on the way. Right before I get off the phone I mention that my dog is in there and the lady suddenly takes me seriously, puts me in top priority on the list and tells me she is doing everything she can and sending the fire department. I know how to get ahead in life...just mention my dog is in trouble and hope my helper is a dog person. Anyway, I tell her the fire truck is unnecessary...the car is on, the AC is blowing in his face and he's probably just dancing to the's not like a cat being stuck in a tree or anything. She didnt think I was as funny as I did.

It only took about 15 mins and the AAA truck was pulling up! We get out to talk to her/him and what steps out of the car? The greatest mullet known to man...or in this case woman with 2 teeth! I didn't even realize that she was talking until about 10 seconds in because of that glorious party on her head. I seriously love everyday life characters. It makes life so sweet! So while she did her thing I had Chris run back to our car for his phone so he could snap a pic to remember this eventful morning {no it wasn't just for the mullet..ok yes it was}.

She popped it right open and Houshie jumped into my arms so relieved. Nevermind the fact that he was sitting in the cold listening to Ke$ha on the radio. So our little family of Chris, Meliss, Houshie, Mellow and Mystique were all reunited! That was a tough hour and a half. We hung our heads in shame as Mullet Master gave us a mini lecture on getting "one of these here handy plasticky keys" that work on the door but not the ignition. Then Chris took off for work again and the pup and I returned home.

Houshie was totally milking the whole thing. When I opened the front door he ran inside and straight to his water dish where he lapped up the entire thing like he had just been rescued from being stranded in the desert. And he has been sleeping like this ever since we got home..
Drama King.

The funniest thing about this story that I wasn't sure I wanted to confess {but I will for the sake of the story} was what happened before we got home. When we were still at my cousin's getting ready to leave I opened the passenger door and put Housh with my purse and everything on the seat. I shut the door and walked around to get into my side. Houshie wanted to see where I was going and had jumped onto my door and locked it! But that time I had the keys in my hand so I just unlocked it and took off while thinking "what would I do if I'd thrown the keys in the car then walked around and he had locked that would stink". For about the next 5 minutes I thought about when I had done that before and what you do in that sitch. Haha! Little did I know I would find out about 20 mins later...


  1. melissa!!! i can't believe i'm saying this.. but i seriously wish i had your life!... this is the funniest catastrophe i've ever heard of! and i'm so glad that everyone is safe and unharmed!

  2. Ok that's pretty hilarious and you're a good story tell so that makes it even more funny. :-)

  3. This story is hilarious...but only because it didn't happen to me. ;) The Mullet is the best. One of Chad's favorite old Tshirts says "Cut your mullet." Too bad you weren't wearing that today.

  4. Bahaha I love that stroy!! Hilarious! And people with mullets really make life so much more enjoyable.

  5. My and dad are sitting here rolling... and Scottee is laughing on the inside... Mr. G? never heard of it...

  6. Hilarity at its finest! You have the quelfest stories ever M&M! Love you so much!
    PS so glad this did happen at 6am, and not at 12noon...or Houshie may have needed the fire truck!

  7. hahaha i love reading your blog because it always ALWAYS makes me laugh. i love the pictures... thank you for making my night! :)

  8. And you say my blog is funny?! This is hilarious!!! Oh i love you and thanks for reminding me of Mr. G, he's great(:


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